


What Happens On The Stag Night...

by postjentacular



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Drunken Shenanigans, Ferret Draco Malfoy, Gen, hpao3tagchallenge
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-29
Updated: 2018-07-29
Packaged: 2019-06-18 05:19:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 758
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15478512
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/postjentacular/pseuds/postjentacular
Summary: In which rum is drunk, debates are had, and mistakes are made. All before the story begins.Written for the August 2018 challenge:Ferret Draco Malfoy.





	What Happens On The Stag Night...

**Author's Note:**

> Beta-ed by the lovely [nerdherderette](https://archiveofourown.org/users/nerdherderette/) who corrals wayward commas like a boss. All remaining mistakes are mine and mine alone.

“Shhhhh! You’ll wake her.”

“Isn’t that the point, halfwit?”

“To wake her, not _wake_ her.”

Hermione sighed and slipped her bookmark between the pages of her book. After dropping it on top of a pile of _Daily Prophets –_ destined one day soon to become kneazle litter – she padded from the kitchen to the sitting room to see what fuss her husband, his sister, and whomever else they’d dragged through the floo, were kicking up. Most of the faces were ones she’d waved off six hours earlier, citing stag parties as no place for third trimester baby bellies. They greeted her again, albeit now considerably _merrier_. She scanned the crowd for one missing face in particular. 

“Where’s Harry?”

“He’s a liiiiight-” Ginny dropped into an armchair with a thump, “-weight.” She swung her legs over the arm and shook out her hair. “Went home hours ago. Beauty sleep, big day tomorrow... blah, blah, blah.”

“And Neville?” Hermione asked, pushing Ginny’s feet to the floor to perch on the arm herself.

“He’s fine,” Dean said. “Hannah picked him up before we dropped off Harry.”

“Suuuuuuuper lightweight,” Ginny supplied helpfully.

“Okay,” Hermione said slowly. “And?” She nodded towards Pansy and Blaise.

“Ran into them after we dropped off Har’. They were out tonight, too,” Ron said. “And...” he continued more tentatively, “Well, we sorta got into, what you might call… a debate.”

“Uh huh,” she said, waiting for the inevitable problem to surface.

“And you, my lovely, charming-”

“Clever!” Seamus interjected, raising a bottle of Rosmerta’s home-brewed, red currant rum in cheer.

“-clever, lovely, wife. Being the ‘Brightest Witch Of Our Age,’ we thought you could settle it?”

“Ronald,” Hermione said carefully, “What did you do?”

“We were just debating the finer points of transfiguration and...” He scrubbed his hand through his hair. “Uh, reversal spells, and figured you, my lovely, clever wife, would know for certain the reversal for human to animal transfig-”

“ _What_ did you do?” she asked, apprehension creeping into her voice.

Ron looked affronted, “Me? I didn’t do anything!” She didn’t break her gaze. “It was Seamus!” he blurted, cracking under the interrogation and pointing to Seamus, in case there was any doubt as to exactly which Seamus he meant.

“Oi! Ye’ said we wouldn’t blame anyone!” Seamus yelled, taking a step behind Dean. “And it was your idea, y’ shitebag!”

“What. Did. You. Do?” Hermione rose, punctuating each word with a pointed finger at Ron and Seamus.

A cough caught her attention. Pansy stepped forward. With her chic bob, scarlet lips, and haute couture robes, she looked out of place in the cosy Granger-Weasley sitting room, but what was most incongruous of all was the bright white ferret wriggling in her arms.

Hermione let out a long sigh, “Is that...?” At Pansy’s nod, she buried her head in her hands and took a deep, calming breath. “I can’t believe you, Ron. He’s going to be your brother-in-law, in–” She looked at the clock on the mantelpiece, “–less than eight hours.” She shot an accusatory look at the whole group, “You’re all supposed to be adults. Did none of you think this was a bad idea?”

The whole group shook their heads. 

The ferret gave a squeak, “Draco did,” Pansy translated.

“Fat lot o’ good that did ‘im,” Seamus said. Whatever else he was going to say was quelled by Hermione’s glare and the ferret’s hiss.

“He’s kinda cuter this way,” Ginny said, throwing her legs back over the arm of the chair. “Don’t ya think?”

“Girl’s got a point,” Blaise said, squatting on his haunches to come face-to-face with the ferret in Pansy’s arms. “Less,” he waved his hands, “drama.” The ferret bared its teeth.

“We’re changing him back.”

“Now, now. Let’s not be hasty, ‘mione!” Seamus said, “You turn him back, he’ll kill me!”

The ferret hissed and lunged from Pansy’s arms, stopped only by the perfectly manicured hand holding its scruff.

“And if we don’t,” Hermione said, “just think what Harry will do to you when that thing scampers down the aisle tomorrow.”

It took less than a breath for Seamus to weigh his options. “Do it, now.” He grabbed the ferret from Pansy and shoved it into Hermione’s hands. “Now!” The ferret lunged again, nearly taking a chunk from Seamus’ thumb, missing only by mere millimetres and sheer misfortune. Hermione scritched the top of the ferret’s head, calming it for a second before it seemed to realise what was happening, and began to hiss more fiercely.

“Now Hermione! Will y’ just…”

_“Finite Incantatem.”_

**Author's Note:**

> Also available in [tumblr flavour](http://postjentacular.tumblr.com/post/176409169332/what-happens-on-the-stag-night); come say hai.
> 
>  **Standard fanfic disclaimer** : If you recognise it, it belongs to J.K. Rowling; this is just fanfic for nothing other than entertainment purposes.


End file.
